It's hard to believe that my stepdaughter, Allison, will be 18 years old in a couple of days. Like most parents reaching this point in their child's life, I'm wondering where the time went.
I'm hoping we did everything right, in the time that we had to guide her, or, at least, that we didn't make too many mistakes. I'm hoping we helped her learn everything she needed to learn before she heads off into adult life. I'm sure, though, that there was much that we missed, that we forgot, that we didn't have time for, that we didn't tell her in a way that was meaningful for her.
So, here as she turns 18 this week, I'm asking you to help.
What do you wish someone had told you when you were 18 years old? What do you know now that you didn't know then? What advice did people give you when you were 18 that you didn't believe at the time, didn't understand, didn't listen to, that you now wish you had?
Fun advice, serious advice, just an anonymous word or two or heartfelt paragraphs of sage wisdom, please share it here in the comments for her.
Thank you!
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Your parents really do know a lot and only want the best for you. Try to be patient with their need to let go slowly as you venture on in your new life. Call home often (even if you have nothing to talk about).
ReplyDeleteDon't bother waiting for someone who isn't interested in you..It isn't you. It really is them.
ReplyDeleteFor the love of all that is holy, do NOT get a credit card. I am still paying off pizzas from when I was 18..and I am 39
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing new under the sun. Other people have been there, and done that so don't feel like you have to do anything you don't want to do.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, now IS the time to explore everything. Who you are, things you like, things you don't like, people who interest you, music, travel..you name it. It is all there for you to discover.
You are the skinniest and most radiant you will be in your life. We all look at pictures of ourselves at 18 and think: "wow! I am really hot. I wish I had believed that then instead of worrying about my weight/boobs/skin/ass etc."
ReplyDeleteThat isn't to say your beauty won't change as you get older - it will and you will grow into yourself. But never let anyone tell you that you aren't fabulous -RIGHT now. And if they try I give you permission to tell them to fuck off.
ALWAYS keep a separate bank account. So no matter what happens you can leave whatever situation you are in.
ReplyDeleteI second not getting the credit card. If you do break down and get one DO NOT let them keep increasing your limit for being a "good" customer, kindly tell them to leave your limit the hell alone.
ReplyDeleteLearn to laugh at yourself. Laughing at others is easy.
ReplyDeleteDon't get married just to get married, or to feel safe and secure. Be friends, be lovers, be roommates, but don't walk down that aisle or sign that license.
ReplyDeleteAlways, always, always use birth control. No matter what. All it takes is one time. One moment, and your life is forever changed.
Don't set your drink down at a party. Keep it in your hand. Don't accept a drink that you didn't either watch be poured or pour yourself.
No means no. If you say it, mean it. If he doesn't get it...scream your bloody head off.
Travel in a pack. Two heads are always better than one. Three to five are better than two.
No matter how bad you screw up, your parents would much rather that you call them and ask for help than for you to risk your own health and/or safety on your own.
Never abandon your friends for a boy. If the boy goes away...who will be there for you?
Don't let anyone make you feel like you don't matter or matter less than anyone else.
Don't get in a car with anyone you know has been drinking or is under the influence.
Respect your body. It's the only one you'll ever have. Love it. Love the flaws, love the curves, love the beauty of it. Believe that you are beautiful. Know that other people see your beauty. We don't often tell each other that we see it...but we most certainly do see it.
Don't smoke.
All things in moderation.
Treat people the way you want them to treat you.
Accept that you cannot change anyone else but yourself. You may influence someone, but you will never change them...especially men.
Don't settle. Don't procrastinate. Don't believe that good things come to those who wait...good things come to those who work hard and fight for what they want.
If admire someone, tell them. If you learn something from someone, thank them.
Your entire life can be altered by a choice that you make today. Be wise.
Be kind. Be forgiving. Be compassionate. Be gentle. All of those things apply to others...but they also apply to you...be those things to yourself.
Carol via email Sunday, August 9, 2009 3:05 PM
ReplyDelete"Don't take yourself too seriously.
Love with all your heart.
Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself.
Cry loud but laugh even louder.
Dance like no one is watching even if in a room FULL of people.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes."
Sharon via email Sunday, August 9, 2009 7:21 PM
ReplyDelete"Take every opportunity to travel that you can. Take your time choosing your vocation. Choose a vocation that you love to do even if it means getting paid less. It is worth it! Listen to your parents. They usually do know best and have already tried it."
Eva via email Sunday, August 9, 2009 8:34 PM
ReplyDelete"No matter what mistakes you make or what kind of trouble you may get into, your parents will always love you and be there for you. You can tell them anything even if its really hard."
Eva via email Sunday, August 9, 2009 8:40 PM
ReplyDelete"Also, I realize purity is not popular, but it can save you so much heart ache to save yourself for that one special lifelong partner. Consentrate on becoming the person you will grow to be instead of finding the right guy, Your more likely to find mr.right doing the things you enjoy then trying to be someone your not."
Laurie via email Monday, August 10, 2009 8:28 AM
ReplyDelete"Listen and show respect towards your parents. Your parents are good parents. They are there for you.
Don't date just anyone. If you feel right in your heart (listen to your inner gut feeling)about a guy, date it him and make sure you know him very well before you go to the alter. You will learn some guys who uses you and others you may find can be a jerk. But there is only 1 guy out there waiting for you who will love you, show respect towards you, and listens to you and is a true man... (That is why I fallen love w/ your Uncle) Please be careful, Alison. Wait until to marriage to have a baby & doing it. It isn't wrong w/ that. It is very special to do it w/ the man who you will be married to. I've waited and proud of it!! Who cares if you have friends does it w/ many men.. You want to do it to that 1 man only who u want to marry to. I know I am getting really personal here, but you are a smart and beautiful young lady you are becoming and I don't want to see you get advantage of. Please don't follow your cousin's suit. She is going the wrong path of life.
Please don't drink and drive. There are so many crazy people who doing that and getting into accidents. I don't want to see or hear about something bad about my niece.
Enjoy your life. It is ok to make mistakes, but you will learn from it. I know I have made alot of mistakes who does... No one isn't perfect. Just remember your parents will always going to be there for you -- no matter what!
Love you, Allison. :0)
Happy 18th Birthday, Allison!
~Aunt Laurie"
Never lose sight of who you are; don't change to be like someone else "just to fit in." Voice your ideas and thoughts while in class and when working in the future. Your idea may be the one that everyone has been looking for!
ReplyDeleteStick up for yourself.
Be gracious.
Always have time for those things that fill your soul no matter how busy life gets.
HAVE FUN!!
Life and yourself will make more sense later on so just take life right now with a grain of salt and enjoy some of the best years of your life.
ReplyDeleteWhat I wish someone would have told me:
ReplyDeleteLearn about managing money and DO IT.
Learn about your body, what it can do, what you like, physically and sexually.
The best advice I did get:
Every day, do the best you can with who you are today and what you have today. Tomorrow you will be different and you will do better...or not. Regardless, always know that you are doing your best and don't regret the things you couldn't do. You would have done them if you could have.
And what I would offer:
Who you are travels with you everywhere and is the one sure possession you will always own. Prize your integrity highly. I have never regretted being truthful. Spend time finding out who you are and then working to be your better self...but don't forget to appreciate who you are *right now*.
It's okay to make mistakes. Be very careful with the things that will still matter in five or ten years...let the rest go.
And have fun! Life rocks. That doesn't change when you grow up.
Don't be afraid to say "I don't know" then find someone who does know and ask them to teach you.
ReplyDeleteDon't be afraid to say "I didn't understand you, can you explain that again?" If someone was taking the time to try to communicate with you, they want you to understand what they're saying.
Sex is special...but it's only as special as you make it. First sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's not such a disaster if you fumble around a bit before realizing that hey, this guy I just had sex with? He's not right for me. It's a learning experience.
ReplyDeleteYou be careful, make the best choices you can, and then move on and make better choices with what you just learned.
I would never get married without living together first - and yes, that includes sex. Marriage is a very serious commitment to me and I want to know as much as possible of what I'm getting myself into. Sex is a very important part of marriage; it's important to be familiar with what you're getting yourself into sexually.
So I would say: Wait until you feel in your gut that it's the right time, and then enjoy. Be smart, be safe, but have fun.
Reenie via email Monday, August 10, 2009 3:27 PM
ReplyDelete"I like what I've read so far - all very good suggestions. Here are mine:
Marry for true, mature love. Marry someone solid and responsible, especially with money. Marry someone who will be a good parent. Marry someone who communicates well. Marry for companionship - rodeo sex doesn't last a lifetime, while a good companion will. Don't compromise. I would advise adventure before marriage - don't rush, don't rush.
Against all trends of youthful thinking, though you are young, you are not immortal. I'll allow you to drive ten miles over the speed limit, but no more than that. Okay? Don’t drink & drive. Just don’t!
Don't do addictive drugs, don't smoke, and drink with moderation. If you do these things with wild abandon, they'll bring you nothing but heartache. Trust me, trust me, trust me on this. I haven't done them all, but I've seen it all..
Continue to read to your children even after they can read for themselves. It's the closeness that counts.
Do warm ups and cool downs when exercising.
Be passionate about our fragile world. Be tolerant of others. Be generous of heart to those with less than you.
Do not sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. He or she ain't worth it.
Learn how to play bridge, golf & tennis and you will fit in anywhere. Hmmm. Might only apply to old ladies like me.:)
For God's sake, don't try to keep up with the Jones's. Feel empowered by your own good choices.
Tragedy will come. None of us is immune.. None of us is ever prepared. Develop a higher power with whom you can lean on or talk to.
Get enough sleep.
Take a multi-vitamin each day.
Enjoy what you do, whether it's your career or leisure.
Make amends when you have erred.
Ask the women in your life for your favorite recipes.
Education is important. Goals are important. Dreams are important. Visions are important. Determine yours, though it's okay to change ideas and plans and directions. Enter this next year with much joy and gratitude for the people who love you dearly. And remember, it's all about progress, not perfection.
xoxo Reenie"
Tate via facebook Monday at 11:55am
ReplyDelete"I don't think that you should give her any advise. Let her make her own way in the world mistakes and all."
Maxine via email Monday, August 10, 2009 7:04 PM
ReplyDelete"I think the main thing I would definetly repeat to an 18 year old is to like yourself and trust yourself. Don't always go with the flow. There were enough times when I was a young woman living alone that I trusted other people thinking they had my interests at heart, when in fact they didn't. You can always ask Mom & Dad, (or grandparents) as they do have your best interest at heart and you need to know they are very wise.
Another piece of advise - is nothing is free!
Maxine"
Follow your interests wherever they might take you. Success follows passion; find what drives you.
ReplyDeleteDon't work too hard in college. Have fun.
Travel. See the world before you're tied down. Enjoy life.
Well, first I must (respectfully) disagree with Bobby Henderson. Do work hard in college! Yes, have fun, but you are there most importantly to learn and set a basis for the rest of your life! You have been raised by wonderful parents, so follow their example, but maybe with your own spin. Know that they will always love you and be there for you, no matter what,and no matter how old you are! Choose good friends and stay close to your family.
ReplyDeleteHappy, happy birthday!
Karla via email Tuesday, August 11, 2009 8:22 AM
ReplyDelete"Before getting married I recommend that you live on your own at least one year after college. This way you will always know that you can make it on your own and don't have to rely on anyone but yourself. It may be hard and a financial struggle at times but the independence you will gain and the satisfaction you will have will be well worth it!
LIVE with the "love of your life" for at LEAST one year before getting engaged. You will learn ALOT about each other and this will give you time to determine if this is the person you want to be with the rest of your life along with a front row seat to see his habits, quirks, morales, values, & work ethic. On the flip side, if marriage and a family is important to you, mentally set a maximum time frame that is acceptable to you as to how long the two of you should live together before getting the ring or getting married. This is not an ultimatum. This is a time frame for you to decide if it is worth hanging on, year after year, hoping for the ring, wondering if he'll ever commit. If that time comes and he's not ready, it will be difficult but be true to yourself and walk away. EVERYTHING happens for a reason and you will find the right person for you! Don't change for anyone and don't try to change others.
Life is not a dress rehearsal. You get one shot at it. Enjoy it, make good decisions, work hard, admit your mistakes, learn from your mistakes and be a good person. Best wishes at college and beyond!
Karla"
My advice to you is to listen to your heart. It will always tell you the right thing to do. Do not let yourself be swayed to do something that is against your gut feeling. Always do the right thing, even if it is the hardest thing.
ReplyDelete~Aunt Margie
Kari via email Tuesday, August 11, 2009 9:48 AM
ReplyDeleteWanted to share this pps -
http://share.zoho.com/preview/presentation/462128000000005001/Mantra-pps
Allison,
ReplyDeleteAs you begin your new journey, remember to always follow your heart. Love hard and deeply, yourself and others. That gut feeling you have is probably right..follow it. Never stray from your family...they have raised you the only way they knew how..and they did an incredible job! Your family will always be there for you and will always back you up. Call home, often! Your parents will miss you tons...keep going to family gatherings! Get to know money and respect it! Help others and always be kind. Explore the world! Continue on your journey to find out who you are. It's amazing what you will find out about yourself! Continue to be a role model for your brother and sister! Be strong and confident. Follow your dream and your passion. Be respectful to others. Dream BIG!
Love you! Miranda
Beryl via facebook Tuesday at 7:28pm
ReplyDelete"I don't know if this is good *birthday* advice as such, but I do think that most people that age should know that the teens and twenties are *not* the happiest times of most people's lives. They're real, they're full of "learning experiences" and they're what people usually like to look back on, but for most people, their happiness only improves as they get older."
*Don't ever grow old & crabby! Know that you don't have to get stuffy and grumpy just to mature.
ReplyDelete*Material possesions are just STUFF! At the end of the day a head full of laughter, love, music, dancing and even some sorrows are worth more and carry more weight than a big house, full closet & fancy car.
*Do eveything you do with pride, even if you make mistakes (and you will), if you give it all your all, you can look back at your life & be filled with dignity.
*Not to be gross... But if living with all Boys had taught me one thing, this is it. Giggle & then announce it everytime you fart (and you will), for some odd reason it makes it smell less horrific.
*Be discriminate on who you give total access to your heart. I am not saying to be weary of love. Please love, Love, LOVE a lot, just realize that there is THE ONE for you, it just may not be the first one you meet. You will absolutely know when you two meet. Ya might just have to kiss a few frogs along the way baby!
Love ya baby & sorry this is late,
Andrea
Hello, it is me: Allison of the future. Maybe you will somehow get this message before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteGet a few jobs and really consider your strengths and weaknesses before you decide what field you want to go into. I'm not sure how to say this gently, but radio will not be the right choice for you. I wish I had figured this out sooner.
Don't spend a ton of money to go to college. I know that filling out loan paperwork for the first time is confusing, and you don't really understand what you're getting yourself into. But your future self will be on the hook for tens of thousands of dollars!
The main point I am getting at here is to start at community college instead of going there at 24.
You and John will fall out of love and he will break up with you. I don't have any advice about this, but maybe a warning will help?
There is a lot of books, music, and movies out there for you to discover. Enjoy your hobbies. Appreciate your family.